I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
