C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
