Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
