oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
