Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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