Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
