I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
