Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
