If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
