Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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