i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
