I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
