so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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