He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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