fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's official drugs can't kill me
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
