If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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