Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
