Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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