Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize