Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize