She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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