dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
