if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
