Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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