all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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