so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
