Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Please, let me fuck your mom
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
