why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
