my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
