She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize