I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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