All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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