giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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