Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
