see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
