Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
