i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
