turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize