Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
