I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
