i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
