I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
