I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Randomize
