we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
