my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
