Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
