Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
