a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize