I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
