i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
