Define "chronic" masturbator.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
