I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
