I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You ruined the universe
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
