My friends, they love my intelligence
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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