it wasn't lemon gatorade
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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