sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
