he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
