when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize