Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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