i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
