Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
