He is an equal opportunity slut.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
