I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
