why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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