I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
