the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
