remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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