i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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