Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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