It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
