sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
