tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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