Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize