she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
