I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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