I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize