This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
