I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
